I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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