that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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