Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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