Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you win again, gameday.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
