I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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