My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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