he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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