you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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