All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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