He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
