Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
