Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
