I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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