i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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