it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
