I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
