CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
