so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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