well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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