plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
