I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
