I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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