btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
