im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
