The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
