so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
