put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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