just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
