the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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