At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
