# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
