How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
