She is in my trunk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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