I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
