don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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