Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Houston, we have a squirter
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
