this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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