i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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