Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
