I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
