Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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