My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
