like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
