i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
