It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
