I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
