So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
