This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
