i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
