Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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