oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
