Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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