I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
