I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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