I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
