I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
