Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
