the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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