I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
