you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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