and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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