you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
