there was a trapeze. enough said
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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