i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
