FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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