and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there is puke in my bra ... again
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