the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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