I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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