I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
