Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
