Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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