I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Help. Why am I so naked?
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