So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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