The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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